Thursday, 21 May 2009

It's hard

The problem isn't the lack of ideas of what to write. No, it's generating the energy to actually write them. I've found myself to be so opinionated about so many things in the games and computer industries, that inspiration comes as often as the hairs in my head decide to emigrate south for the winter (spring, summer and autumn) and appear in some other mystery location. Yet, it's that crucial self motivation that's missing.

Maybe for me the answer would be some form of competitive blogging. Having a scoring system that is based on more than just how many daily readers you have. There have been many games that I've dedicated months to; learning all of the nuances of competitive multi-player matches in whichever environment the game would be set in. I played a massive amount of Counter-Strike in most of it's versions. Before that, Medal of Honor, before that Tribes 2 and even before it was the many incarnations of Quake. Each of these games held such a sway over me that I practiced and practiced them until I would become either the best player that I knew, or very close to it. In some cases I had surprisingly high world wide ranks and in the case of Quake I travelled for competitions and started one of the very first UK based 1 vs 1 "ladders". When I played games with friends, having a Tekken night or session of Samurai Shodown (not a typo!), it was usually after I'd spend the few days before getting to know the various moves, combos and finishing moves of each game. It's so obvious now that I actually just needed a good shag!

I don't normally consider myself the competitive type; I'm happy as long as I'm good enough to amuse myself in whichever activity I enjoy. I've been playing guitar for around twenty years and although I don't have any technique to name, nor did I receive any lessons, I'm still told I'm really pretty good. I play a couple other instruments to a reasonable level. I draw, almost as often as Haley's Comet passes, fairly well. I used be quite the swimmer and I was comfortable doing some stupid-fast downhill pedaling on my Mountain Bike. In general though, these things weren't usually against a human opponent or anything that was measurable. If anything, I tended to shy away from more competitive games when I was much younger. When I reached adulthood however, if you put a gamepad in my hands or got me involved in just about any online FPS game, I became a tightly wound coil, desperate to prove to myself that I was actually as good as I hoped I was. Include the present tense however, as to be honest my competitive gaming streak never quite finished to mature and leave...

During the times when I played several of those games, I was either single, or in a relationship that should have ran it's course long since before. I was spending upwards of twenty hours a week playing some of them, and God help me, FORTY to SIXTY (!?!?!) when I was competing at Quake. I was in a long-term relationship and working full time. I'd turn up to work at 7:00 after having gone to sleep at 3:30, my head still buzzing to the slowly fading memory of rockets and grenades exploding. My colleagues had started to believe that I was taking heroin in the evenings as I looked bizarrely ill from months of sleep deprivation. I had a kind of street cred with the people who didn't know I was actually the biggest geek in a five mile radius. How cool was I!

So writing is a hard thing for someone as unmotivated as I am, to do. I lead a quiet and contented life. I'm married without children, I work full time and the spare time I have is mostly shared with my wife. We play some Left4Dead together sometimes, we make tiny but pneumatically enhanced Asian girls throw themselves around in sand playing DOA Xtreme Beach Volleyball and we bounce some balls together in Peggle. Mostly though, when I play games now, it's usually while my wife works or for thirty minutes in the morning, with a coffee, in some kind of half-hearted attempt to waken myself up enough to deal with the public at work.



Give me a Blog vs Blog deathmatch, and I'll be damned if I don't practice honing my competitive blogging skills. Alternative grammar skills might just be the new "rocket-jumping" for me as my reflexes slow down and my tendency to reflect increases....

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